Fan Fiction

[(Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Raphael, and Donatello enter the room.)

RAPH: So what're we supposed to do here?

LEO: We're supposed to present the disclaimer.

RAPH: And that would be...

DON: That's where we give a buncha legalese, tell our writer's intent and that we're owned by Mirage Studios, created by Eastman & Laird and thus not Wyze's creations.

RAPH: Waitasec: Some corporation OWNS us?

DON: Uh, yeah. Sad but true. Anyway --

MIKE: I hear there're also girls in it!!

LEO & DON: (unison) Where'd you hear that?

MIKE: I helped Wyze write it.

LEO: Liar.

MIKE: What?! It's true, I swear!

RAPH: Anything else, or can we go home now?

DON: Ummmmmmm.....that pretty much covers it. If there's anything else we missed, we'll just interrupt the story to explain it.

LEO: (sarcastically) I'm sure the readers would just love that. Let's get outta Wyze's way.

RAPH: Hold on. Is Wyze gonna screw us around? That happens a LOT with these Fan Fiction stories! It's startin' t' piss me OFF!!!

LEO: Worry about that later, Raph. Now let's get outta here!

(Turtles leave the stage, almost having to drag a P.O.ed Raphael with them.)]



by Wyzeguy79

"No way, Gellar is a FOX!"

"She's okay, I guess. I still like Hewitt better."

Michaelangelo grimaced, knowing his opinion was falling on deaf ears. "Yeah, Don, that was the ONLY reason I managed to get you to watch "I Know What You Did Last Summer" with me."

Donatello shrugged. "Can I help it the movie sucked?"

"It did NOT!"

"Did so. I still don't see what the big deal is about Sarah Michelle Gellar."

"Then you must need glasses."

"Whatever." This conversation was annoying Don. He'd just wanted to sit on the roof by himself to get away from the constant bickering displayed by his other two brothers, Leonardo and Raphael. Then Mike showed up and somehow they got on the topic of "Hottest Girls on TV," a subject Don was long tired of. It wasn't often that Mike would get on Don's nerves this badly, but this time he was pushing it. Don looked out across the other rooftops in the neighborhood and cursed himself for not waking up in time to watch the sunset, one of his favorite hobbies not involving technology. Unfortunately, he and his brothers had been putting in some pretty long nights recently, and rarely did they get the chance anymore to catch up on their sleep.

Such was the life of an urban ninja, even though Don and his three brothers resembled the average ninja only slightly. Instead of black-suited shadow-warriors, they much more closely resembled giant talking bipedal turtles, which was what they were. It was very complicated to explain, even for one as intelligent as Don. He continued gazing at the rooftops, trying to ignore Mike's current babbling about video game heroine Lara Croft.

Something moving at the edge of his peripheral vision riveted his attention. Don's keen eyesight zoomed in on three moving shadows darting across a rooftop a block away. It was hard to make out the figures clearly, but he could tell by their smooth-yet-rapid movements that the three were ninja. What's more, they were female ninja, or kunoichi as they were called in Japanese. Upon this realization Don did a double-take and whispered, "Mike...MIKE!!!"


"Look over there and tell me what you see."

"Uhm...three human chicks running."

"And...?" Don asked impatiently.

"And...they move like ninja. Oh shit."

"Yeah. Oh shit. We have to inform Leo and Raph about this."

"No, let's see where they're going first."

"But Mike we--!" Too late. Before Don could finish, Mike jumped from one roof to the next, and followed the trio of kunoichi. "Uh boy," Don whispered to himself, then leapt onto the next roof and followed his impulsive brother.

Mike enjoyed the hell out of this.

Sure, he was all for the more physical aspects of his ninja lifestyle, but the sneaky parts also had their own appeal. Especially when his quarry was a trio of female humans, which he for some reason he never failed to be attracted to.

Finally the kunoichi came to a stop near a skylight atop one apartment building. Mike hid in the shadows, slowed his breathing, and watched as the women approached the skylight, their black uniforms illuminated by the flickering glow of a TV that provided the only light source in the room below. Mike squinted and saw that displayed on the girls' uniforms were two Japanese letters, called kanji: one letter was red and stood for "dragon"; while the other was purple and meant "flower". 'Dragon Flower?' Mike pondered. 'Kunoichi means "deadly flower", so this must be a variation of that concept.'

The ninja closest to the skylight removed a small black device from her outfit and placed it on the skylight. Mike figured it was to disable the building's security system. 'What are they up to?' he wondered. 'Are they going to steal something...or even worse...assassinate someone?' The more Mike thought about it, the likelier it seemed that the kunoichi were about to kill someone. Mike decided enough was enough, drew his nunchaku pair from his belt, and rose from the shadows to meet them.

"Forget your house keys, ladies?" Mike asked, startling the women. The nearest one to him wheeled around and flung a shuriken from her outfit at Mike. The throwing star zipped past Mike's head and embedded itself in a nearby wall. By that time, all three kunoichi had drawn their katana swords and advanced on the turtle.

Mike, the most agile of his brothers, easily dodged the three women's sword slices, which came at him from all angles. He found and opening and rolled out of range of their swords. One of the women dashed over to him, bringing her sword toward his head in a wide downward arc. Mike evaded the attack, but the woman's sword still carved a notch in his retreating shell with a sharp THOKK!

This royally pissed Mikey off.

It was a well-known fact that Michaelangelo, while not especially vain, still liked having his shell free of dings and scratches, simply because they were impossible to fix. His shell was already covered with various marks from his many previous battles. Still, he had to be thankful his shell prevented his opponent's sword from slicing flesh.

Mike's twin nunchaku whirled furiously, almost too quickly for the eye to follow, as the female ninja that had modified his shell prepared to launch another attack. Their eyes studied each other in the dim light.

Finally the kunoichi thrust her katana forward, intending to run her reptilian opponent through with its fatal edge. Mike swiftly sidestepped the thrust, wheeled around while dropping into a crouch, and swept the girl's legs out from under her. The kunoichi landed hard on her back, uttering a pained "OOOF!" as the air forcibly left her lungs on impact. Mike rose quickly to his feet and swung one of his nunchaku at the next ninja woman in line. The hardwood cylinder hit her hard on the knuckles, forcing her to let go of her sword, which flew a great distance before diving off of the rooftop. Without missing a beat Mike grabbed her arm and flipped her over onto the first ninja woman, who was still trying to recover her breath.

Mike ducked just in time as the third woman attacked him from behind, her sword slashing the wind horizontally. He launched an elbow into her stomach, doubling her over, and performed a forward flip. His heels slammed into her jaw on their way up, causing her to be lifted off of her feet and to land a short distance away on her back.

The turtle surveyed his handiwork. Three out of three ninja assassins down in less than a minute. Of course, it irked that he had to beat the crap out of women (young women from the looks of them: judging by their slight build he guessed they were college age if not younger), but hey, it was self-defense, right? Then again he was the one to start the fight, but he doubted much good would have resulted if he'd left them alone. Some days this ninja hero stuff was a total pain in the shell.

He heard a dull thud behind him and spun around, ready for anything. Except for the sight of Donatello battling a fourth kunoichi, who wielded a halberd, a long staff with a blade at the end. With a few quick blocks, thrusts, and circular sweeps of his bo, Don disarmed the woman and sent her sprawling. Quickly regaining her footing, the woman drew a handful of shuriken from her garb and threw them at her two opponents, who did their best to dodge the barrage of sharp blades. A few of the throwing stars embedded themselves in Donatello's arm, causing him to yelp in pain. By that time the ninja woman had already recovered her halberd and was halfway across the roof, heading for the skylight to complete her primary objective.

She was within a yard of her goal when she spotted two more figures leap out from the shadows: Don and Mike's other brothers Leonardo and Raphael.

Surprised by this, the Dragon Flower ninja halted in her tracks and dropped into a low stance, he halberd at the ready. Without warning, she swung her staff at the two Turtles, causing them to hop backward to avoid the sharp blade. She raised the halberd and brought it down toward their heads; but Leonardo, the leader and most skilled of his brothers, raised his twin katana swords in an X-formation and trapped the halberd's blade. Raphael kicked the halberd and broke it, leaving the woman with a third of the staff left.

"Still got any fight left in ya?" Raphael asked, in Full Intimidation Mode. His eyes narrowed, and he tightened his grip on his pair of three-pronged daggers, called sai.

The kunoichi glanced around quickly, seeing the other two green-skinned warriors advance on her from behind, and realized she was out of options. She jumped to her left and broke into a full run, throwing her broken halberd staff behind her to interfere with pursuit. The shaft struck Don in the forearm and head, causing him to wince in pain. A sudden flare of anger and frustration caused him to launch his bo at her retreating form like a javelin. The bo sailed through the air like a wooden missile and hit its target at the base of the back of her neck, sending an electric shockwave of pain throughout her body. She fell off of the level rooftop surface and rolled down a steep incline, finally coming to an abrupt stop on a fire escape ladder. The echo of her impact on metal echoed through the night, but none heard it louder than Don, who also noticed a cracking sound mixed in with the clatter. A closer look confirmed his suspicion:

"Oh shit..." he whispered, realizing what had happened, "...the impact...broke her back..."