Fan Fiction

[(Leonardo, Michaelangelo, Raphael, and Donatello enter the room.)

RAPH: So what're we supposed to do here?

LEO: We're supposed to present the disclaimer.

RAPH: And that would be...

DON: That's where we give a buncha legalese, tell our writer's intent, that we're owned by Mirage Studios, created by Eastman & Laird -and thus not Wyze's creations- and that this story is based on the events that occurred in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1st Mirage Studios Series) #1, and picks up several years later, in a continuity different from the comic series.

RAPH: Waitasec: Some corporation OWNS us?

DON: Uh, yeah. Sad but true. Anyway --

MIKE: So this is an "Alternate Reality" story.

LEO: Well, yeah. I hear it's something called 'creative license'.

MIKE: I hear there're also some girls in it!!

LEO & DON: (unison) Where'd you hear that?

MIKE: I helped Wyze write it.

LEO: Liar.

RAPH: Anything else, or can we go home now?

DON: Ummmmmmm.....that pretty much covers it. If there's anything else we missed, we'll just interrupt the story to explain it.

LEO: (sarcastically) I'm sure the readers would just love that. Let's get outta Wyze's way.

RAPH: Hold on. Is Wyze gonna screw us around? That happens a LOT with these Fan Fiction stories! It's startin' t' piss me OFF!!!

LEO: Worry about that later, Raph. Now let's get outta here!

(Turtles leave the stage, almost having to drag a P.O.ed Raphael with them.)]

"No way, Gellar is a FOX!"

"She's okay, I guess. I still like Hewitt better."

Michaelangelo grimaced, knowing his opinion was falling on deaf ears. "Yeah, Don, that was the ONLY reason I managed to get you to watch "I Know What You Did Last Summer" with me."

Donatello shrugged. "Can I help it the movie sucked?"

"It did NOT!"

"Did so. I still don't see what the big deal is about Sarah Michelle Gellar."

"Then you must need glasses."

"Whatever." Don was getting annoyed by this conversation. He'd just wanted to sit on the roof by himself to get away from the constant bickering displayed by his other two brothers, Leonardo and Raphael. Then Mike showed up and somehow they got on the topic of "Hottest Girls on TV," a subject Don was long tired of. It wasn't often that Mike would get on Don's nerves this badly, but this time he was pushing it. Don looked out across the other rooftops in the neighborhood and cursed himself for not waking up in time to watch the sunset, one of his favorite hobbies not involving technology. Unfortunately, he and his brothers had been putting in some pretty long nights recently, and rarely did they get the chance anymore to catch up on their sleep.

Such was the life of an urban ninja, even though Don and his three brothers resembled the average ninja only slightly. They much more closely resembled giant talking bipedal turtles, which was what they were. It was very complicated to explain, even for one as intelligent as Don. He continued gazing at the rooftops, trying to ignore Mike's current babbling about video game heroine Lara Croft.

Something moving at the edge of his peripheral vision riveted his attention. Don's keen eyesight zoomed in on three moving shadows darting across a rooftop a block away. It was hard to make out the figures clearly, but he could tell by their smooth-yet-rapid movements that the three were ninja. What's more, they were female ninja, or kunoichi as they were called in Japanese. Upon this realization Don did a double-take and whispered, "Mike...MIKE!!!"

"Hm?"

"Look over there and tell me what you see."

"Uhm...three human chicks running."

"And...?" Don asked impatiently.

"And...they move like ninja. Oh shit."

"Yeah. Oh shit. We have to inform Leo and Raph about this."

"No, let's see where they're going first."

"But Mike we--!" Too late. Before Don could finish, Mike jumped from one roof to the next, and followed the trio of kunoichi. "Uh boy," Don whispered to himself, then leapt onto the next roof and followed his impulsive brother.

Whhhsshhhhh....THOK!

"Ha! Bullseye!"

"It's about time, Raph."

Raphael walked over to the dartboard and plucked his shuriken from the center of it. "At least all my throws have gotten within two feet of the board, Leo."

"Hey, it wasn't my fault," replied Leonardo, annoyed. "You distracted me while I was throwing the third one."

"Excuses, excuses. An' for the record, I was clearing my throat."

"Yeah, loud enough to make me throw the star wide. I just about hit the TV."

"'Cause you suck." Raph threw another shuriken at the board. This one hit the 75-point area.

Leo mumbled under his breath and waited for Raph to move out of the way. He breathed deeply, let it out, and flung his throwing star at the target with a precision gained from years of practice. The star sliced through the air at a high velocity...

...and almost hit their human friend April O'Neil, who unfortunately chose that moment to walk into the room. "Aaah!" she yelped in surprise. "Hey, what's the idea setting up the dartboard so close to the door?!"

"Sorry, April," the two turtles apologized in unison. "But there wasn't any place else to set it up at," Leo explained.

"Ever consider going outside?" April suggested, about to batter them both beyond recognition if they didn't follow her advice. This was, after all, her apartment.

"Uuuuhhh...right away, April!" Leo complied, grabbing Raphael by the arm and leading him out the door.

Raph resisted the idea of being escorted out: he knew the way. "Let go of me, man, 'fore I bap you one!"

"Let's get outta here, Raph," Leo hissed, "before April finds the--"

"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BATHROOM?!!!" April bellowed.

"Ulp."

Mike enjoyed the hell out of this.

Sure, he was all for the more physical aspects of his ninja lifestyle, but the sneaky parts also had their own appeal. Especially when his quarry was a trio of female humans, which he for some reason he never failed to be attracted to.

Finally the kunoichi came to a stop near a skylight atop one apartment building. Mike hid in the shadows, slowed his breathing, and watched as the women approached the skylight, their black uniforms illuminated by the flickering glow of a TV that provided the only light source in the room below. Mike squinted and saw that displayed on the girls' uniforms were two Japanese letters, called kanji: one letter was red and stood for "dragon"; while the other was purple and meant "flower". 'Dragon Flower?' Mike pondered. 'Kunoichi means "deadly flower", so this must be a variation of that concept.'

The ninja closest to the skylight removed a small black device from her outfit and placed it on the skylight. Mike figured it was to disable the building's security system. 'What were they up to?' he wondered. 'Were they going to steal something...or even worse...assassinate someone?' The more Mike thought about it, the likelier it seemed that the kunoichi were about to kill someone. Mike decided enough was enough, drew his nunchaku pair from his belt, and rose from the shadows to meet them.

"Forget your house keys, ladies?" Mike asked, startling the women. The nearest one to him wheeled around and flung a shuriken from her outfit at Mike. The throwing star zipped past Mike's head and embedded itself in a nearby wall. By that time, all three kunoichi had drawn their katana swords and advanced on the turtle.

Mike, the most agile of his brothers, easily dodged the three women's sword slices, which came at him from all angles. He found and opening and rolled out of range of their swords. One of the women dashed over to him, bringing her sword toward his head in a wide downward arc. Mike evaded the attack, but the woman's sword still carved a notch in his retreating shell with a sharp THOKK!

This royally xxxxed Mikey off.

It was a well-known fact that Michaelangelo, while not especially vain, still liked having his shell free of dings and scratches, simply because they were impossible to fix. His shell was already covered with various marks from his many previous battles. Still, he had to be thankful his shell prevented his opponent's sword from slicing flesh.

Mike's twin nunchaku whirled furiously, almost too quickly for the eye to follow, as the female ninja that had modified his shell prepared to launch another attack. Their eyes studied each other in the dim light.

Finally the kunoichi thrust her katana forward, intending to run her reptilian opponent through with its fatal edge. Mike swiftly sidestepped the thrust, wheeled around while dropping into a crouch, and swept the girl's legs out from under her. The kunoichi landed hard on her back, uttering a pained "OOOF!" as the air forcibly left her lungs on impact. Mike rose quickly to his feet and swung one of his nunchaku at the next ninja woman in line. The hardwood cylinder hit her hard on the knuckles, forcing her to let go of her sword, which flew a great distance before diving off of the rooftop. Without missing a beat Mike grabbed her arm and flipped her over onto the first ninja woman, who was still trying to recover her breath.

Mike ducked just in time as the third woman attacked him from behind, her sword slashing the wind horizontally. He launched an elbow into her stomach, doubling her over, and performed a forward flip. His heels slammed into her jaw on their way up, causing her to be lifted off of her feet and to land a short distance away on her back.

The turtle surveyed his handiwork. Three out of three ninja assassins down in less than a minute. Of course, it irked that he had to beat the crap out of women (young women from the looks of them: judging by their slight build he guessed they were college age if not younger), but hey, it was self-defense, right? Then again he was the one to start the fight, but he doubted much good would have resulted if he'd left them alone. Some days this ninja hero stuff was a total pain in the shell.

He heard a dull thud behind him and spun around, ready for anything. Except for the sight of Donatello battling a fourth kunoichi, who wielded a halberd, a long staff with a blade at the end. With a few quick blocks, thrusts, and circular sweeps of his bo, Don disarmed the woman and sent her sprawling. Quickly regaining her footing, the woman drew a handful of shuriken from her garb and threw them at her two opponents, who did their best to dodge the barrage of sharp blades. A few of the throwing stars embedded themselves in Donatello's arm, causing him to yelp in pain. By that time the ninja woman had already recovered her halberd and was halfway across the roof, heading for the skylight to complete her primary objective.

She was within a yard of her goal when she spotted two more figures leap out from the shadows: Don and Mike's other brothers Leonardo and Raphael.

Surprised by this, the Dragon Flower ninja halted in her tracks and dropped into a low stance, he halberd at the ready. Without warning, she swung her staff at the two Turtles, causing them to hop backward to avoid the sharp blade. She raised the halberd and brought it down toward their heads; but Leonardo, the leader and most skilled of his brothers, raised his twin katana swords in an X-formation and trapped the halberd's blade. Raphael kicked the halberd and broke it, leaving the woman with a third of the staff left.

"Still got any fight left in ya?" Raphael asked, in Full Intimidation Mode. His eyes narrowed, and he tightened his grip on his pair of three-pronged daggers, called sai.

The kunoichi glanced around quickly, seeing the other two green-skinned warriors advance on her from behind, and realized she was out of options. She jumped to her left and broke into a full run, throwing her broken halberd staff behind her to interfere with pursuit. The shaft struck Don in the forearm and head, causing him to wince in pain. A sudden flare of anger and frustration caused him to launch his bo at her retreating form like a javelin. The bo sailed through the air like a wooden missile and hit its target at the base of the back of her neck, sending an electric shockwave of pain throughout her body. She fell off of the level rooftop surface and rolled down a steep incline, finally coming to an abrupt stop on a fire escape ladder. The echo of her impact on metal echoed through the night, but none heard it louder than Don, who also noticed a cracking sound mixed in with the clatter. A closer look confirmed his suspicion:

"Oh xxxx..." he whispered, realizing what had happened, "...the impact...broke her back..."

A small pebble sailed through the air.

It skipped across the water four times before slipping below the surface.

A nearby duck flapped its wings in surprise.

Donatello took no notice of the duck. He simply stared at the ripple in the pond where the pebble had submerged itself. The ever-expanding rings mingled with the other circles created by the small stone's trek across the water.

As he studied the ripples, he thought back on the events that occurred a week ago, and how all of it was his fault...

"Don? You okay?" a voice behind him asked hesitantly. The voice belonged to his brother Michaelangelo, who stood behind him wearing a large jacket over an equally large sweatshirt with a hood and scarf covering his reptillian features. A backpack was slung over his back to help camoflauge the curvature of his back, which was due to his turtlish shell. Undaunted, he carried a large bag of pretzels.

"Hm?" Don responded, snapping back to attention. "Oh, uh, yeah...I'm fine." Don himself was wearing an ankle-length coat and a baseball cap with a bill pulled over his face. If anyone looked closely, they would have seen how nonhuman he was, but as long as he kept his distance from any bypassers, it wasn't a problem.

"No, Don, you're not fine," Mike replied. "You've spent the week walking around in a fog, not talking to anyone, eating very little and sleeping not at all! What's with you?" It was unlike Mike to act this way, but Don realized his own behavior wasn't exactly normal of late, either. If Mike finally broke is silence by scolding Don, then things must really be bad.

"Well well," a female voice behind them announced, startling them both. "Small world."

Don and Mike turned and saw two human girls, one in a black-leather jacket and tight pants, and the other in a white sweater, blue jeans...and a wheelchair. 'No, it couldn't be possible,' Don thought.

"Remember me?" the wheelchair-bound one asked, her worlds laced with scorn.

Don was silent, though his expression made it clear that he did in fact remember.

"I'm surprised it was this difficult to find you," the other one stated. We figured someone with your looks would stick out like sore thumbs."

"Thanks for the compliment," Mike returned, not missing a beat. "I know I'm not the most handsome devil on the rock, but my goldfish thinks I'm cute. So anyway, what brings you by?"

The two women cocked their eyebrows and looked at each other. 'What the hell?', their expressions read. Finally, the one in the wheelchair composed herself and stated, "We are the Doragon-Hana. We've been looking for you. We want to know what your connection is to Sam Kiro."

This time it was Mike and Don's turn to stare at each other questioningly. "Uhm......" Don began slowly, "'Sam' WHO?"

"Sam Kiro," the wheelchair-bound human repeated. "Big-time Yakuza-connected hoodlum. Runs Japanese criminal activites here in N.Y. Keeps a low profile. So what's your connection to him?"

"Should we have one?"

"You and your boys showed up on his rooftop to keep us from slipping in. Stopping us was so important to you that one of you broke my back." Her stare bore into Don and Mike like an auger bit. "So what's the deal? You working for Kiro?"

"Of course not," Don retorted, regaining his composure. "We were on the roof because we saw you and your clan trying to break into the building. That building was in our neighborhood and we happen to be kinda territorial. And for the record, your girls threw the first shuriken."

The tall one drew her wakizashi from her coat and held it to Don's neck. She pressed the short sword with enough pressure to threaten to draw blood. "Careful, green man," she warned through clenched teeth, "One false move and you'll never see Mars again."

Mike sized up the tall one, ready to incapacitate her in his usual Mike way: creatively.

"Back off, handsome," the other girl shouted from her wheelchair. "Tell us the truth, or Kim here dissects."

"I AM telling the truth," Don stated, his hands spread out peacefully, like a hostage negotiator. "If you'll please just calm down..."

"She called me 'handsome'," Mikey noted out loud to himself.

"It was sarcasm," the woman corrected.

"Sure, spoil my fun. Name's Mikey. Pretzel?" He held out his bag.

"'Mikey Pretzel?'" she quoted, before she realized what he meant.

"Nah, just 'Mikey' or 'Mike'. It's short for 'Michealangelo.' And your name is...?"

"Like I'm telling you."

"Uh, you've already established," Don pointed out, "that your friend here's name is 'Kim.'"

"Oh all right, fine, my name is Alley. Satisfied?" Not her real name, but anything to shut these two up.

Always one to push his advantage, Mike asked, "'Alley'? Short for what? Allison? Alicia? Alexandria? Alisande? Al--?"

"SHORT...FOR...'ALLEY!!'"

"Okay, okay...geez, don't grow antlers..."

"I'm Don. Anyway," Don interjected, "if you're so sure we're working for this Kiro guy, you wouldn't be taking the time to ask us. You'd already know, and you probably would've killed us by now. So obviously you're not sure. So why not put the blade down so we can discuss this like civilized bipeds."

Alley nodded to Kim, who returned the glance with a protesting one,. Kim sighed and withdrew her wakizashi from Don's neck. "There," Alley announced, "Everybody's civilized. Now then, would one of you mind telling me which of your clan was the one responsible for my current back problems?"

_____

Another weekend, another rented movie.

Raphael trudged through the urban sea of humanity that flooded the neighborhood's sidewalks, with a plastic bag full of rented videotapes clenched in one of his green, three-fingered fists.

The stench of human B.O. assaulted his nostrils. Hell, Raph smelled much better than these streetwalkers, and he lived in a sewer! Of course, he showered frequenly, which was probably more than he could say for the fat guy that just elbowed him. 'Man, discover soap,' Raph thought. 'And Slimfast, while yer at it.'

Two blocks from home. Almost there. 'Gawd, how shitty IS my life,' Raph wondered, 'if I actually consider a sewer HOME?' For someone whose past time is spending as much time outside of the den as possible, the thought that he was actually looking FORWARD to returning to the cramped, dank confines of the sewer abode he shared with his three brothers (and their ratlike mentor and father-figure Splinter) unnerved him.

His day wasn't all bad, mind you. He spent the morning playing rooftop basketball with his best friend Casey Jones, a former vigilante, current mechanic, and all-around bitchin' guy. Casey was the only male human Raph would voluntarily hang out with, and the two were the most kindred of spirits.

Raph won the game, by the way.

Raph made his way to the alley where a losely-covered manhole led to Home Stank-Ass Home. Once in the sewer it would still be another ten minutes' journey through a maze of pipes and tunnels, but Raph knew the way in his sleep, and could get to the den blindfolded. Considering how little available light there was in the sewer, that was a pretty good description of what he did. But then, Raph and his brothers were gifted with excellent night vision, so it was no problem.

Except something wasn't kosher about Raph's surroundings just then. He couldn't quite figure out what it was, but the scales on the back of his neck prickled. He trusted his instincts and walked another two blocks past the manhole and hid, testing a hunch.

Sure enough, a minute later three teenage girls in civilian garb slowly entered the section of alley where Raph was concealed. They looked around, taking in their surroundings with predatory intent.

'Their movements...' Raph observed from his vantage point, '...they move like ninja. Oh hell. They're the damn kunoichi we mixed with last week.'

Raph threw a shuriken at a metal trash can near the women, causing a sharp clatter and definitely getting their attentions. "Hey ladies," he shouted. "Looking for a date, or just trouble?" The trio of female ninja looked up and saw the large mutant turtle perched on a fire escape. He'd shed his trench coat to give them a full scope of what it was they were dealing with. "Either way," he continued with a battle-ready grin, "ya came to the right place."

The kunouichi drew their weapons and held his stare. One of them, probably the group's leader, stepped forward. "You work for Sam Kiro?"

Raph's guard dropped. "Who?"

Before the leader could reply, one of her teammates reached into her jacket and flung a handful of shuriken at Raph.

Raph dodged three of the incoming throwing stars, and leaped over the other two. He flipped in midair across the alley onto a fire escape on the opposite side.

The ninja who threw the stars wasted no time in racing up the metal stairs and confronting Raph.

The two dropped into low stances, daring each other to make the first move. The ninja growled and threw a spearfinger strike toward Raph's eyes. With a blur of motion he traps her wrist between two prongs of his sai and embeds the longest prong in a wall. His other forearm shoots up to block another incoming punch, and Raph releases his sai to land a punch to the female warrior's jaw.

The woman reeled from the punch. The scenery spun at high speed across her field of vision. She regained her balance and threw a series of high and low kicks at the turtle's face, causing him to have to back away out of her leg's reach. The kicks stung like hell.

Something struck his shell from behind, then his arm, then the back of his head. Whatever it was, hurt. Raph spun around and saw one of the kunoichi jabbing at him with a long two-by-four she must've found lying on the ground. Raph blocked and avoided the punishing thrusts, then timed it and caught the board with one hand and broke a few feet off of it with a knifehand strike.

He whirled around to face the first girl, who had used his distraction to free the sai and her wrist from the wall. She weilded the sai with a passion that left no question that she would run it through him if given half the chance. 'What does this chick have against me, anyway?' Raph thought.

He fended off her sai attacks with his piece of two-by-four as best he could, which wasn't easy. She managed to get in at least five good slices to his arms, and one to his brow just above his mask. This woman was intense!

Finally, Raph decided the hell with it and knocked the sai out of her hand with his board. He jumped up and grabbed the fire escape platform above him and launched both feet into her chest, sending her back. He dropped and picked up his sai, cartwheeled over her fallen body, and leapt down to street level.

He faced the remaining two Dragon Flowers, who immediately pounced upon him. Several punches, kicks, and board strikes invaded his guarding posture, leaving Raph little quarter to defend himself. He couldn't believe it but he was getting his ass beaten by girls younger than him!

The one with the two-by-four managed to clobber him a few times in the head with it, but if Raph had a virtue it was hard-headedness. Raph dropped to the ground defensively and brought his knee up against the board, the resulting impact partially absorbed by his kneepad. Raph kicked the board out of the ninja's hand and sprung back to his feet, launching his fists at high speed at his assailants' jaws.

The girls hit the ground, grunting in pain. Raph stood over them, remorse rising in his throat. He hadn't meant to hurt them this badly. It was one thing to whale on men, but females? That wasn't his style. But they attacked him and attacked him and he had no choice--

He hit the cracked pavement hard. The ninja he had dispatched on the fire escape stood over him and smiled.

He was a formidable opponent. A true warrior. She respected that. She'd noticed that quality a week ago, when he stopped her from taking revenge on his brother for injuring her sister. She'd hoped she'd meet him again.

She bent down and ran her fingers across the many wounds and brusies on his arms. Some of them her and her sisters had given him. Others looked like they'd been there a while. Yep, no doubt about it. He WAS a true fighter.

She allowed herself a smile. "Now if only he was a human, it would be perfect," she whispered to herself. "'Course, he can still be useful..."

The other two Dragon Flowers soon stirred, rubbing their aching faces. They weren't expecting just one of the green freaks to be so much trouble. They sat up and looked at the spot where their quarry used to be. He was gone.

But so was their sister, Teri...

__________

“KIAI!!!”

April O’Neil swung her wooden sword, called a bokken, diagonally toward Leonardo, who blocked it with his own bokken. The two wooden weapons met with a loud TOKK! Without missing a beat, Leo swung his bokken down toward her side. April stepped back and blocked the strike. She then brought her weapon up for a horizontal slice to the chest, which Leo also blocked.

Unexpectedly, April dropped low and leg-swept Leo’s feet out from under him.

“KIIIAAAI!!!” April shouted, holding the bokken to Leonardo’s neck.

Leo’s sensei Splinter, and April’s boyfriend Casey Jones, watched from the sidelines. Leonardo had a gift for teaching, and had taken over most of April’s ninjustu training since Splinter’s arthritis prevented him from being able to teach some of the more physical techniques.

Casey Jones clapped. “YEAH girl!” he shouted, “That was AWESOME!”

“Yeah,” Leo agreed. “I didn’t even see that coming!”

“You didn’t?” April asked, surprised.

“Nope,” Leo replied. A blur of movement later, April was on the floor and Leo was standing and holding his bokken to her neck.

April caught her breath. “Whoa…how the…?”

“Don’t drop your guard,” Leo admonished, “even when your opponent is down. Unless the opponent is dead, there’s still a chance the tables could still be turned on you.” He smiled and helped her up. “Good try, though. If the bokken were a real sword, and you hadn’t dropped your guard, I’d have been a goner.”

April smiled and pulled on Leo’s hand, trying to flip him over. He didn’t budge. “My guard’s still up,” Leo smirked.

The phone rang. Leo sprinted to the phone booth to answer it. “Hello?”

It was Don. “Hey Leo, Mike and I are at the park. You might want to come down here.”

Leo read the seriousness in his voice. “Why? What’s happened? Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, for the moment. There’ a couple of women I wanna introduce you to.”

“A couple of what?”

A Japanese man with a goatee, a New York Mets jacket, blue jeans, and sunglasses got out. He looked around and waited, leaning against his car with arms folded.

Three other Japanese men, all dressed in conservative business suits, walked into view, the one in front carrying a briefcase. “Konnichiwa, Kiro-San,” the first man greeted, bowing. “Do you have the…merchandise?”

“Yeah, Mr. Hideka, it’s right here,” Sam Kiro replied, without bowing. His deep love for all things American and complete lack of interest in Japanese tradition made Hideka’s teeth clench. “Where’s the long green?” Sam continued.

Hideka paused, then realized Kiro was referring to the money, and held up the briefcase. “It is in my hand,” he confirmed. “One million American Dollars.”

“Bitchin’,” Kiro nodded. “Let’s get down to business. I got places to go, ladies to visit.”

Ten minutes later, Hideka and his men walked back to their Rolls Royce with five pounds of cocaine, while Sam Kiro sat in his Ferrari, counting the money. He smirked; imagining the looks on their faces when they realize the cocaine was fake. But by then, the cops would be tipped off and kicking down their door.

“’Let the buyer beware,’ he chuckled, quoting an old saying.